Most people have the basic assumption that everyone they are connected to is just like them. And that they think and will act the same way too. Any assumption or expectation you make takes you from your gut instinct or awareness to an autopilot state. This not only stops you and your awareness of what is really needed but it projects a level of expectation on the other person that is impossible to meet.
Expectations is one of the leading cause of difficulties in relationships.
How do you feel when people expect something of you? For most people, the expectations create a level of separation and stops any movement forward.
What happened the last time people assumed you were going to do something but they never asked you? Now think of a time you made assumptions about someone else like your kids or loved one and you expected them to do something but they put their walls up and went into defensive state instead? How many times did they do the opposite just to prove a point?
Expectations and assumptions is not effective for either party. If anything, studies have shown it usually leads to stress, health problems, higher blood pressure, and a complete disengagement of the other person.
One of the natural talents we are born with is our awareness. Our body is sharing information related to us and others from the minute we are born.
If you have any children, you relied on your awareness very early on to share with you when the kids needed to be fed or they needed you. Have you ever had the awareness to call a friend and they said “I was just thinking about you?” or you walked into a room and knew something had just occurred before you walked in?
The key to our natural talent is to allow it to grow. How do you grow your awareness? Ask questions!
So how do you use your awareness to build relationships? Ask questions!
When you are willing to ask questions and open the lines of communication, then you are allowing a different level of relationship to be created. Questions give us information of what is really going on and what is required for us to do and be for others.
In order to build relationships that work at home or at work, you have to function from awareness rather than assumptions and expectations.
When interacting with people, ask questions like,
“What assumptions is this person operating from?”
“What words can I say that this person hear?”
“What does this person require of me?”
“What will create a positive outcome here?”
It also helps to clear out all the assumptions and expectations that you are operating from in relationship to people, and all the decisions and judgments you have made of everyone you are in a relationship with, so that you are operating from total awareness of what is actually going on.
One tool that has worked wonders is starting every day with clean slate. Gary Douglas, Access Consciousness® shares the benefit of not having any projections and expectations with anyone including you and your business.
Before going to bed every night, say:
“I destroy and uncreate all my projections, expectations, decisions, judgments and conclusions of everyone in my life”. You can even insert people’s names, your business name, or anyone you would like to have a clean slate with.